venerdì, dicembre 02, 2005

A Memo

I am assured that this memo is real - allegedly (clicking the logo should open a copy of the actual memo). Apologies for the language if you are an Italian speaker and are feeling insulted. No offence meant, I'm sure.


MEMO to all the Staff:

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishment in Rome that offensive language is commonly used by our Italian speaking staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff. All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like cazzo, porca puttana or mi sono rotto il cazzo and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2. You will not say ha fatto una cazzata when someone makes a mistake, or se lo stanno inculando if you see someone being reprimended, or che stronzata when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb cagare are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred as figlio di puttana, coglione, testa di cazzo.

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as mancanza di palle nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as bradipo or cagone.

5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by the management are not to be referred as cagate mentali or idee del cazzo.

6. Do not say come rompe le palle nor ha rotto i coglioni if a person is persistent; do not add gli fa ancora male il culo if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say siamo nella merda (refer to item # 2) nor ci hanno aperti when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7. When asking a someone to leave you alone,you must not say vattene affanculo nor should you ever substitute May I help you? With che cazzo vuoi?

8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners vecchi stronzi.

9. Do not say me ne sbatto when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer ciucciami il cazzo when your assistance is required.

10. You should never call partners as frocio or mignotta; the sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as culattone or bagascia.

11. Last but not least, after reading a note please don't say mi ci pulisco il culo. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.

Thank you Paolo for alerting me.


At sabato, dicembre 10, 2005 9:27:00 AM, Blogger Sabine said...

What a marvelous example of European co-operation!

This memo has dissolved me into tears of laughter.

At lunedì, dicembre 19, 2005 11:41:00 AM, Anonymous Anonimo said...

That's so bloody hilarious.

Cheers mate

ciao ciao

At domenica, marzo 05, 2006 8:29:00 PM, Blogger Tracie B. said...

hahahahaha, oh mio dio, hahahahahahahaha...!

Ok, that was funny :)

At sabato, aprile 08, 2006 9:18:00 PM, Blogger s p q r said...

Not only is this hilarious to the bone , i also known the founder of that company! I'm drooling because of laughter as i type this

At mercoledì, giugno 06, 2007 6:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonimo said...

I spent 10 minutes laughing... how can I apply for a job in that company?


Posta un commento

<< Home